Will Nobody Listen? - READ MORE
Normal Price: $12. Special offer: $8
Release date: September 2013.
Second edition: March 2016.
Many a person will explode in frustration: “I can’t do it any more. Nobody will listen. There’s no end in sight. I’m finished.”
This is a common complaint of people driven to despair. It doesn’t matter what the cause of the despair, but the potential for extreme action to try to gain attention—to be heard—as a last ditch desperate effort, is disturbing.
The greatest difficulty with trying to help these people is the possibility of (inter alia):
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much hysterical overreaction,
exaggerated stories to try to be convincing,
raising of all types of issues that are extraneous to the immediate situation,
threats of suicide or murder—extremes to try to highlight the desperation of the case,
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cyclic rehearsing of stories with no forward progress to a conclusion,
summoning the “sure-fire” point-scoring triggers from years ago,
AND in addition, often the projection of personal guilt into the situation, leading to either:
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bitter condemnation of the other person (in order to try to cover for personal sins), or
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avoidance of the real issues for fear of confronting the shortcoming of others (in order to steer away from one’s own guilt).
Most pastors carefully avoid these conflict situations, rationalising that they are called to preach and teach, many refusing even the simplest visitation, let alone any counselling, especially if it is time-consuming—even if effective.
Over more than forty years of pastoral care and counselling, I have come to benefit from some proven strategies that have had lasting results with great benefit to those concerned.
The process is simple and efficient, but requires pastoral commitment, and a love for people.
It requires care and exactness, careful listening, and the willingness to devote time to help those in need.
But the results are worth it:
- for the persons concerned, both in themselves as well as in their resultant effectiveness in various roles as parents and/or spouses; in their work environments; and in church ministry,
- for the immediate family and others who have been affected by the dysfunctional relationship,
- for you as the pastor in seeing people adjusted and happy and functional again. This is a significant part of the pastoral role, and a source of fulfilment.